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A thought on footwear and stride

I mentioned in my last post that I can't abide feeling hobbled.

I like heels, because I like the height, but they have to be solid and strong, good for tromping about, roomy at the toes. Stilettos, not happening. Ballet shoes (the kink variety) give me the shivers. And my feet can't take even stompy heels for as long as I'd like anymore. I'm not ok with trading stride for height (although my relationship to height, in a family of men ranging from 6' 2" to 6' 5", is a whole other post. There's my true body dysphoria, not at my crotch. I am MUCH bigger inside my head).

Feeling my body move and work is a deep part of my sensual enjoyment of the world and my sexuality. My stride is at the core of that. It communicates and expresses me and my moods. I like to move quickly and confidently, I like the feel in my legs and hips and shoulders. I like the swing of my hips as much as I like the length of my steps.

That also breaks a lot, though. Sometimes for long periods; bouts of plantar fasciitis (I'm convinced Hans Christian Andersen experienced this; it explains so much about The Little Mermaid's "walking on knives"), or more common and variable joint pain throughout my legs. I am literally hobbled, my stride shorter, slower, more hesitant. My balance is off, I fall more easily. I can't send the same signals in the same ways, and sometimes it really shuts me down. Sometimes I'm in a weird middle state where I can still choose to move how I want, but it's gonna hurt. It gets... complicated.

One of the best things about having a intermittent illness, though, is the feeling when it goes away. When I come out of a flare and I can move the way I want to, it is one of the most glorious feelings on the planet. Walking down the hall at work is a celebration. I dance on the sidewalk (quite literally). I don't know that I could appreciately as deeply what my stride means to me if I hadn't lost it so frequently.

I do find it amusing to be a woman in comfortable shoes, though. ;P

Comments

moominmuppet
May. 26th, 2015 04:25 pm (UTC)
*nod* Exactly. So frustrating.